Baby Mania/Gay Spirituality

          It's total irony when I see that the bulk of the enthusiasm shown toward having children come from gay men as opposed to the straights, at least in my observation...and you know what? It makes sense. Maybe in the Mormon context in which I view things, this has relevance. A side-effect of the relentless cultural pressure to have children within Mormonism is that straight couples see children as an obligation rather than a treasure. Many gay men are especially deprived from cultural acceptance with having children from many angles. First, is the religious community tending to demonise them. Second, a negative association with pedophilia exists. Lastly, while many are willing to tolerate lesbians raising children, there isn't a similar tolerance toward homosexual guys. So, while many in the community choose not head down the fatherhood path, those who choose so tend to be passionate about it, most likely owing to a sense of holding dear something so elusive and universally maligned by our society.

             Likewise, an evident spirituality can be seen in many gay men who choose this part of their lives (a relationship to God/Higher Power) to keep intact.  To me, these guys are worthy of much respect. Once again, in the LDS context, spirituality for straight men is tied with privilege. Their rewards for spirituality are leadership positions, a hot trophy housewife (or 50, in the afterlife), and general praise within the conservative religious community.  No such comparable incentives for spirituality are available for gay men, so props to them! In many ways, though, I'm not shocked. Yeah, it's a pretty gross and stereotypical generalisation, but spirituality is more within the feminine domain, and many homos are in touch with it all. In all seriousness, when I hear a gay LDS man pray (and I say this with no condescension), I hear a soul calling out to a distant god in heaven to listen to him, which is actually kinda cute. When I hear a typical/douchey straight Mormon guy (NOT ALL STRAIGHTS, BTW) pray, it seems like he's simply having a conversation with a buddy from the bowling alley who's gonna give him an ace F-150 the next morning. 

A Few After-USGA Thursday Thoughts...

So, Carol Lynn Pearson came to the Y to speak. It was an enlightening experience to hear her perspectives about Mormonism and Sexuality.

Here are some bits from her fireside that stood out:
*We are all heroes on a path to find the elixir that heals all. What is that elixir? She never really specified what it is, but I personally think the journey is the elixir itself. Our journeys to gain respect, to find and give love, and to truly know who we are and our strengths are all what really matter in the end.
*We must be thankful for what we have today that many of our gay, lesbian, trans, queer, or bi brothers and sisters simply lacked. We have a society that is more open, understanding, and sympathetic. 
*What was really touching was her love of Christ...and all that He has done to reach out to each and every one of us, even if we ourselves think we are undeserving. 
*She also counseled us not to make "stupid" choices. Our religious beliefs may have evolved, but our common sense should still exist.
*We must make our voices heard, be it in the church, out of it, or in between. The world may be a scary place, but we can foster communication if we simply grow some balls and be brave.
*If we look back at all the mistakes we have made in shunning the vulnerable amongst us, we shall look back in shame.

Empathy

When one gets wrapped up in utter disdain for any fellow human being, we lose sense of what makes them tick, why they are what they are. It takes a big person to have the balls (or ovaries for the ladies amongst my readership) to forgive. 


Oftentimes, I've been so overcome with freedom in, at last, letting myself simply let go and start over. I've realised that there those with shittier lives than I do...and I shouldn't be so judgmental. 

It doesn't take much.

The standards for happiness tend to be overly raised. I'm not gonna simplify things and say that the depths of sorrow are caused by the phenomenon of high expectations, but high expectations ain't exactly deterrents. The best moments in life come not in the big victories, but the little treasures we find in the sands of our experiences.  


1. I like coming up with unique ways of saying things. 
2. Humor is a big component of my life. I tend to be drawn to the cheesy as well as the exaggerated. It just works. 
3. I enjoy breaking social mores with the same enthusiasm in which I follow them. Those whom I'm around are key. 
4. Folks who know me well all have differing opinions of me. That chameleon side of me exists, for good or ill.
5. Be not scared of testing limits, defying expectations, and conquering stereotypes. You've got a life...live it. 

Utah v. Everywhere Else. (OKCupid answers)

Alright, so I compared the answers than those in Utah put against what I see from other places. There are some interesting patterns (none of this is scientific, so take this with a 300 ton grain of rock salt) that I see amongst the queers in Utah that look rather peculiar compared to the general population.

How do you feel about kids?

Those in Utah tend to answer that they "love kids" at a higher rate than anywhere else.

Would you consider roleplaying out a rape fantasy with partner who asked you to?

Those in Utah are MUCH, MUCH, MUCH more likely to say "no".

Your significant other is perfectly content with their minimum wage job and has no plans to look for more challenging/better paying work. Is this a problem?|
Utahns seem more likely to bail in this scenario than others.How do you feel about age differences in relationships?

Utahns seem much more tolerant about age differences than the general population.

How do you think your sex drive compares to what is typical for other people of your age and gender?

There seems to be greater instances of "above average" in the Beehive State than what I observe elsewhere.

You're in a romantic relationship with someone you really like. As far as you're concerned, how long will it take before you'll have sex?

In the "mission field", it usually takes 6+, but the threshold is lower in Utah.

Other Notes:

*There is less propensity to like "cuddling" outside Utah and greater intolerance of cuddling between friends who are in relationships, but not with each other.

*There is greater propensity in the "mission field" of "replying selectively/very selectively" to messages...while Utahns tend to "reply often".

*Lower kinkiness to compensate for greater general sluttiness in Utah.

The next generation...

Queer Cinema (SPOILERS INSIDE)

Ok, so ever since I got a Netflix account, I now have the opportunity to watch queer films. The 3 that stick out to me will be discussed here:

1. Lucky Bastard (written by Everett Lewis)

This is about a successful home designer, Rusty (Patrick Tatten) who is generally bored and dissatisfied with his life. While his bf Daniel (Johnny Kostrey) is out of town, Rusty meets a drifter, Denny (Dale Dymkoski), who engages in rampant partying, drug abuse, and indiscriminate sex. These 2 set out to have an illicit affair, where Rusty uses Denny to gain excitement in life, while Denny uses Rusty to get cash to support his meth addiction. In the end, Rusty realises that there is no growth with Denny and lets him go and goes back to a life of stability.

I like this flick for a couple of reasons:

*Timothy Cole plays Rusty's straight best friend Garrett. He ends up being the funniest, most charismatic, and cutest guy in the whole film (Patrick Tatten's Rusty is still the hottest, though). 

*Lucky Bastard really highlights the dark side of gay life. There is a reason why many social conservatives still despise the community and we need to be aware of the problems that affect the LGBT world in order to address them. I am really glad that Rusty chose to cut ties with that loser and leech Denny and come back to the life and the boyfriend who always served him well. I'm a sucker for happy endings. =]

2. Shut Up and Kiss Me (written by Ronnie Kerr)

The writer of this flick, Ronnie Kerr, stars as Ben, a lovesick dreamer who simply years for companionship and love. He goes through many duds till he meets Grey (Scott Gabelein), a charming man who he sees jogging everyday. Ben falls for Grey, but there's one catch: Grey refuses to be monogamous and outright warns Ben early on that he will screw around with other men, no questions asked. Ignoring it, Ben starts a relationship with Grey, only to be extremely hurt when Grey follows through with his inclinations to sleep with others. Breaking it off, Ben swears to never let Grey back into his life. However, he gets a change of heart and decides to accept Grey for who he is and reconcile with him.

I liked this film for these reasons:

*Shut Up and Kiss Me illustrated an example of the sacrifices we make for love. Ben, a romantic, thought that he could find someone who would always be faithful to him. Reality set in and he finds that what is truly important is having someone who is there when it counts and someone who is upfront. He knew that shutting off Grey would mean shutting off a chance at having that kind of relationship.

*Ben's friends were an awesome support system. They ran the gamut from a straight married couple, an adventurous straight girl, a bitchy gay (or bi) guy, and straight boy jock. However, they all cared about Ben and simply wanted the best for him...even if isn't always obvious.

*Ronnie Kerr's Ben is the most adorable fictitious gay guys I've ever seen (with Scott Evans' Fish being a close second). Ben's smile and gentle, meek nature make you want to just take him home and adopt him and protect him from the evil world. Seeing him weep in the break-up scene was quite the "aww" moment.

3. Role/Play (written by Rob Williams)

A gay ex-soap star, Graham Windsor (Steve Callahan), runs off to a resort after being outed by a sex tape that led to him losing his job. He meets gay activist Trey (Matthew Montgomery) who was disgraced after his marriage fell apart. As they fall in love, they journey through the lies and heartaches that hound them.

This what I liked about this film:

*Steve Callahan and Matthew Montgomery are a real-life couple, so one would expect the acting to be awkward. However, they made the chemistry work and made me care about Graham and Trey.

*It taught us that we can heal from the past by owning up to our shit and overcoming the machinations that took us there.

I recommend all 3. They all kick ass.

Make up your damn minds, folks.

Society needs to get its stereotypes right. I've heard this phrase thrown around: "No wonder he's gay. He's so nice."

I've also heard this phrase being said: "No wonder he's gay. He's so bitchy."

So, what is it? Nice or bitchy?

Yep, I did.

I must be one of the last folks in the world to have not watched the Prayers for Bobby flick. I had the chance to watch bits of it last Thursday and the rest Friday morning. Pretty moving flick. Ironically, I connected more with the mother (played by none other than Sigourney Weaver) than with Bobby. Her desperation rooted in the fear of having the family not full in the afterlife and the push-and-pull adventure with her personal journey with faith resonated with me.  The film should be informative for many "new" to the LGBT community, without steering into the preachy category. 




I think it's important that we keep on bring more love into this world.  Who may need it one never knows.

The whole world is watching...

Imagine yourself the biggest celebrity in the world. Your every move is put into scrutiny. Any misstep on your part will be a matter of public record. 


With that in mind, in our "outing" culture, it seems that everybody who is rumored to be gay, bi, anything but straight is pressured by the media and by the general public to "come out". Perez Hilton and his antics are only the tip of the iceberg.


Exhibit A-> Here's an "It Gets Better" video made by Zac Quinto (of Heroes fame):

I found it to be a thoughtful, sweet message of hope to any young guy or girl going through a rough patch when it comes to this life, but the Gay Mafia had to relentlessly attack him by calling him "two-faced", "damaging to the cause", as well as "duplicitous" for supposedly being in the closet while putting himself out there as a supporter of LGBT rights. Regardless of his sexuality (which he is frankly entitled to privacy on that matter), we shouldn't be tearing anybody down just 'cause they're not standing on top of the Empire State Building waving a rainbow flag and making out with a member of the same sex.


Exhibit B-> Here's a video of Matt Bomer (of White Collar) discussing his children in the daytime show Today.

Once again, instead of being happy for who seems to be a proud father who cares for his kids, the Pink Lynch Mob went after Matt for supposedly "hiding" his same sex partner with whom he's raising those kids. What happened to human decency? As someone who was outed to his family, I don't take kindly to anyone being "forced out". 

What is Love?

Cheesy mid 90's music aside, I've always pondered that question. What is it that love consists of?

Is it:

*Mutual respect?

*That song that's stuck in your head that won't ever leave...and you're OK with it?

*An assurance that somehow, someway, there's someone out there that has your back?

*Being safe in an unforgiving world?

*Being comfortable with yourself and the environment that surrounds you?

*Picking yourself up after letdowns and taking charge?

*The cool breeze from the A/C during midsummer?

Thinning the Herd.

Many are called, few are chosen.

               It seems to me that mental health issues affect tons of the GLBTQ community. A good friend once told me that only a small proportion ever come out of the closet with all their sanity intact. Why is that so? An unhappy childhood? A retroactively unhappy childhood (one that was happy when it was experienced, but hindsight changes the perception)?  Many queers (and I use this term in the non-pejorative, inclusive sense) still have the mindsets of teenagers, even those in their 40's. What the heck is going on?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               Am I the only one who dabbles in pre-emptive sadness/anger/(insert negative emotion here) before the actual moment when it is fitting to express it? Is it a way of keeping those at a distance so that it wouldn't overtake me? Maybe I just don't like being too expressive. It's silly.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               Wanna know what's fun? Walkin' around town at night with someone you care about; talking random nonsense that nobody else would understand and just taking in the fresh air without worrying about the darn sun sapping you of energy. I got to do that tons of times over the last week, including tonight. 

Happy August

This blog has been up for an amazing 608 days now. Here's to the next 608...

Anyhow...

I've always been fascinated by the differences between people. One of my fave activities is to just observe and analyse somebody, so that I know how to interact with them. My skills in this arena get impaired in big crowds and I tend to fall silent since it's hard for me to adjust to each and every person in the room...so I tend to withdraw and keep a lot of my thoughts to myself since I can't tailor to each individual.

Chaotic, but that's how it goes.

Ever wondered what it would be like to be another person? Can that even be imagined?

This won't be a Politically Correct post.

I want no kids. I have no interest in raising any. Babies are cute, though...as long as I won't have to feed them or change their diapers. However, once they start walking, it's off to boarding school, dudes. 


Here's why:
*Having kids means feeling the added pressure to provide well for them...and that would cause me unending grief, considering my current pressures right now.
*Kids are loud. 
*No offense to single parents out there who have found ways to make it work, but I see myself being single for some time...and that I think it's not the ideal way kids should be raised.
*Kids are hyperactive and demand copious amounts of playtime and it's not in my personality to provide that.


Here's why I may need kids:
*Social Security and Medicare are both going bankrupt...and kids are a good insurance policy.

New Direction

Tomorrow, I start the next adventure of my two-decade existence. I've learned a lot from my time in my current city. I've made 2-3 new friends here and learned tons about myself. I've learned to assert myself a bit more and not to worship at the altar of any one person (in the figurative sense). Everybody has their flaws and nobody should ever think they are above such. One of my biggest pet peeves are those whose egos are out of control that they are blind to their own faults yet can't help but lord their alleged superiority on to others.

Anyhow, I'm also working on being someone folks can rely on to have their back. In the cause of being there for others, I always am a believer. 

Janus

             I've been called "The most conservative liberal", and in many ways, the description fits. It seems like I tolerate all forms of vice (in the Mormon sense, like drinking, rampant sex, etc.) in others that I deny myself. I have a distaste for being around people under the influence, yet would fight for their rights to be in that state. What is inducing my need to live a quasi-puritanical lifestyle while flinching at the thought of it being imposed on me? 

             I've always been a silent rebel. I break rules under the guise of anonymity or stealth...or maybe I'm just a contrarian, opposing anything and everything that the majority loves. Maybe, it's my love for the underdogs. That's it. I've always had a soft spot in my heart for those who are truly bullied, marginalised, or harassed. Whatever.

I wanna make my mark on the world, though I gave up trying to change it. If I could support just one person in his/her quest to take on this harsh, cruel world...that would be enough. 

The power of humility.

            One of the biggest items of hindrance for me has been my insistence in worrying about things that often become irrelevant over time. Yeah, according to some folks, that's one of the biggest markers of my personality. I guess it's this unquenchable need to control everything so that I don't end up getting caught off guard. Ironically, whenever I do so, things end up blowing up in my face...so maybe I need to not control things in order to have control over them.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

           One of my biggest problems with the way some folks act is their insistence on putting themselves up as examples to be followed or saints to be praised when they really offer nothing of any real worth. The awful thing about it is that there are many that fall for the trap and end up worshipping these false saints. There is this guy named "Nathan" (identity changed to protect the not-so-innocent) in my former Singles' Ward. Nathan came back from his mission with an ego that would make Donald Trump blush. Secure he was in his "position" in his family, his employment and his schooling, Nathan was the darling of those that surrounded him. I saw right through the B.S. since Day 1, but folks were hell-bent in defending the heck out of him and even dared to call me "jealous". Well, he found himself engaged to some airhead Mormon Princess who dropped out of school and was basically counting on being dependent to him...and he liked having that weak girl worship him in the same mode that his friends did.

            Well, the engagement fell apart...and news came out of their pre-marital sexual relations. They could no longer get the temple wedding...and eventually the wedding was called off and folks saw Nathan for what he really was: a douche. After the countless Testimony Meeting spiels about the importance of being holy and of the Temple, the fake image waned and the truth came out. Here is my reaction on the inside:

I really have no malice against Nathan, though. I want him to grow some and become a more humble person.

Return With Horror

            Nope, it wasn't unusual seeing a rather distraught demeanor coming from Paul Roberts. Disheveled hair, eyes that make no focus, and clothes that seem ill-pressed all were features surrounding him. It was a lovely summer day in which the sun made no display of shyness. The airport was filled with anxious folks waiting for their suitcases and family and friends greeting their loved ones whom they haven't seen in a while. 

           

            He looked far and wide for familiar faces in the crowd, but couldn't see anybody. Thinking he needed to pass the time, he found a seat and pulled out a photo album of his ill-fated 10 months in Minneapolis. The wonderful memories of the friends he made was overwhelmed by the stormy situation that clouded his mind. Too much to bear, indeed.  Quickly stuffed back into the bag was the album. Elder Roberts' baggage wasn't just physical. Also in his bag was a copy of the letter he sent his parents; it held the reason why his parents would see him much sooner than they expected. No letter was sent in response. The vacuum of communication drove Elder Roberts bonkers. Millions of possibilities dwelt in his head, all competing for attention and contemplation. 

           A young mother in her mid-20's took the two spare seats to left of Elder Roberts. She put her baby carrier beside her and played with her daughter. She noticed the obvious discomfort of the young man to the right her. 

           "Is anything the matter?" she asked, then noticing the unmistakable nametag, she immediately followed with "You must be nervous heading home after everything you've been through. It's quite a transition. My husband took time to adjust, too. He loved it out there in Scotland."

           "You have no idea," answered Elder Roberts. "It's quite an embarrassment, though, I've had about a year left, but here I am," His friendly smile failed at masking his despair. The woman nodded her head and had pity in her heart.

            "My brother was in the same situation. Bobby needed a kidney transplant and it was tough to have it done there in Guyana. There's no shame. By the way, do you mind if I breastfeed my little princess while I wait for my mom's plane to land?" Laughing, Elder Roberts consented, then he went on to explain his situation while the lady popped out a tit and began nourishing her baby girl. 

            "I actually left of my own free will. There was a point in which I couldn't take the self-abuse anymore," sighed Elder Roberts.

            "Plenty of guys your age self-abuse. That's no reason to cancel a whole mission," remarked the woman. Gasping, Elder Roberts was flabbergasted at her blunt statement.

            "Haha, well, I mean in in a more emotional sense. Being out there, all alone, is torture," stated the young man.

            "My other brother, Gerard was missing his girlfriend so much. He was scared some guy was gonna snatch her up. Though, I dunno why he was all gaga over Stephanie, who is of loose morals, if you know what I mean," winked the young mother. 

            "...and here is my 3rd companion. He was overweight and frankly, couldn't keep up with the day-to-day rigours. Instead of Elder Pullman, I called him Elder Pudge-man," said Elder Roberts, who was showing Elaine, the young mother, pictures from his time in Minneapolis. Elaine's daughter was fast asleep in her carrier. 

            "It looked like you had a blast. No indication at all that you were homesick. You had a girlfriend waiting at home, right?" inquired Elaine. Pausing before answering, Elder Roberts deliberated in his mind whether to answer. What tipped the scales was his new-found commitment to being truthful and open.

            "I had someone waiting for me," beamed Elder Roberts.

            "What's her name?" nosily asked Elaine with piercing eyes. The young man drew a deep breath and replied,

            "His name is Kameron."

           "You're one of those...! Oh golly," exclaimed Elaine before giggling. "Is he hot? The reason I'm asking is to see whether he's worth the express ticket to hell,"

            "Quite." It was a little startling to Elder Roberts himself that he would be so frank, but he knew he'd have to get used to it.

            "Good, well, I see my mom. Good luck with the rest of your life, Elder Roberts," nodded Elaine as she picked up her daughter and went on her way.

            

            Left to his own devices, Elder Roberts' thoughts directed themselves to the last Saturday before he left. The scent of anchovy pizza still lingered from his last dinner with Kam...

            "A toast," declared Paul as his eyes met with Kameron while his hand held a raised can of soda.

     "To what, dude?" Kameron raised an eyebrow in playful scepticism. 

            "What else? Success in my current endeavors," Their cans made a clink when they met.

            "I think you're automatically predisposed to be a failure out there," smirked Kameron as he picked around the box for another piece of pizza.

            "Uh huh. How much are you gonna bet?" Paul's dare was too much to pass up.

            "$50, no joke." Reaching from his pocket, Kameron pulled out a genuine Ulysses S. Grant and dropped it on the table. Making a false display of shock, Paul then shook his head.

            "That should be inflation adjusted over 2 years."    

            "Shut up, you future MBA grad."

     "This future MBA will be your cash cow over time, mind you,"

     "This is why I love you, Paul," declared Kameron seemingly nonchalantly.

     "Because you're positioning yourself as a gold-digger?" chuckled Paul as he wiped a stray tomato stain on Kameron's upper lip.

     "Exactly."

     

           Elder Roberts' trance was interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. Startled, he turned and saw his sweet mother and kind father. 

           "What? Dang! I missed you two so much," His parents gave him one of the warmest hugs he had ever received in ages. 

           "Same here, son," answered his dad. "When we received your letter, we were scared you were really depressed," 

           "Pshh, I'm here, ain't I?" quipped Elder Roberts as he simply took the moment in.

           "Hmm, I wouldn't guess," uttered his mother, "You've lost about 20 lbs."

           "Well, it was the stress. However, I want to explain the letter...now that I'm seeing you guys in person," Knowing he had to confront the issue head on, he thought now would be the time.

           "That won't be necessary. Have you forgotten the Roberts Family motto?" grinned his dad.

           "No Apologies," instinctively recited Elder Roberts. 

           "Indeed, the only thing that matters now is the present. You're gonna get back into school, get rich, get married, and give us some grandchildren. No questions asked and no excuses made." It was such a comfort to Elder Roberts seeing his parents still act in that same, pushy way that he had come to miss in Minneapolis.

           "Well, we aren't the only one who came to see you today," remarked his mom. Before Elder Roberts can process what she meant, Kameron came up from parking the Roberts' car. Not believing his eyes, Elder Roberts darted out of his seat to greet him.

           "Well, it looks like this is for you," A $50 bill was pulled out of Elder Roberts' wallet and placed into Kameron's hand

           "Pleasure doing business with you. However, my missionary didn't write me as much as he promised."

           "Whatever, he was out serving the Lord. No time to be thinking about significant others," 

           "You're gonna make it up to me, dude. Tonight. You owe me a Chicken Tetrazzini" 

           "I hate you, K." Smiling to himself, Elder Roberts remembered the words of Elaine: Good luck with the rest of your life. He started believing he didn't need the luck. 

           "Are we all set to go? Wifey Dear? Kameron? Elder Roberts?" asked Elder Roberts' dad.

           "It's Paul, dad. Time to cut ties with the past," After hearing his son's statement, Paul's dad nodded.

           "Well, Paul, this is the day it all begins," 

           

            Paul agreed with his dad. His days as Paul, not anybody else, begins now. 

THE END

             

           

           

            

The "Evil" Empire State: A Follow-up.

Look what I found in the celebration rally:

...and the best reaction goes to

OK, so the news last night had me checking around for conservative commentary on the events surrounding New York. The best one I found was this:

"No wonder they call it the Empire State. It's the Evil Empire of Sin. Where's our Obi-Wan when we need him?"

Apple and Mormonism (iMormon?)

This ad was pretty funny, but it makes you think. In Mormon culture, we are encouraged to date and mate with those of "our kind" and we are often judged when we go outside the faith for our relationships. Heck, even friendships are encouraged to be limited within the LDS community. This insular trend included interracial relationships before the last 30 yrs. or so. I can see where shared interests and backgrounds can help in social connections, but that cannot forbid us from associating with others. 

Wanna Know Why Gay Men Cross Their Legs?

This question ranks up there. Prolly in between "Is there a God?" and "Is Capitalism a good idea?". Well, this question required tons of contemplating and reverent reflection (and prayer, just had to throw that in).

I've had my Eureka Moment. If gay guys can't cross their legs, the moment a guy they find attractive walks by their path, the boner would be obvious.

THE END.

Why so?

"When man no longer regards himself as evil he ceases to be so."
-Friedrich Nietzsche


I'm not evil. I think of myself as basically good without pretense. It is often certain circumstances that I find myself in that create that perception among some people. I have been called a snob, anti-social, ignorant...and other names in the book. But, am I really that way?...or is it simply the situation I find myself in lends itself to such interpretations?


Well, I'm one of the good guys. Deal with it.  

Wednesday Night

The grasp was much too enticing for him to bear. Landon Keating knew that it was only a matter of time till he took the leap. He checked his eyes: no tears. He felt his heart: heavy thumping. His feet slid and the force of the fall was filling to the senses. Shutting his eyes, L.K. threw the cross out with everything else. 








Opening his eyes, he saw that he was in the same place he was 10 mins. ago. He looked down: The crowd and the city was still there. What the hell? That was a trick the mind played? Walking away, he thought to himself, "Maybe another day. Maybe no day."

The Good Old Days...

*sigh* Back when her songs actually meant something.

Not a McGuy (...and a trip to the temple).

I walked to the temple tonight. I thought the need to go up and just experience it and see the architecture and the surrounding park area and be alone and breathe. It's great not being pressured to do anything or feel anything and I got to do just that. Thinking about the direction of where I need to be, I find myself rather content. Pretty odd, right? Well, it's just that even with all my day-to-day troubles, there's really nothing in the long-term that bothers me. Hmm....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I come not in a pre-packaged form. You might expect me to act a certain way because of any certain circumstances I find myself in, but in reality, I'll crush those expectations like a Twix Bar in my mouth. I'm not gonna be one of those silly folks who go up and down proclaiming how "different and unique" they are and proceed to do what all the "different and unique" people are doing. I'm gonna do things my way and if it's different, great...if it's not, who gives a f*ck?


I'm not a McGuy. I bring something different to the table each time. I don't pretend to be special or anything...it's just the truth. 



"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."


Matthew 5:16

Whose heart have you touched today?

Cliché, but important question.

The MoHo Party.

'Twas freakin' awesome, dudes (and I mean that word in the general sense, ladies). Deffo want to go to the next one.

For those saying that fags are slutty...

You guys must realise that dudes don't get pregnant, right? Chew on that for a moment.

Speaks for Itself

This is why dogs and bats scare me to this day.

What I've noticed...

"A friend to all is a friend to none."
-Aristotle


I think I know why I find it next to impossible to fully enjoy the fruits of emotion for me. Whenever I'm moderately happy, I keep looking for reasons not to be so...that it diluted my positivity to the point where sadness and happiness are alike. I've tried to be "friends" with all kinds of emotions, that I end up numbing myself. 




So, I'm gonna try to live a bit more. How's that for positivity? 


"I think people appreciate a songwriter who shows different sides. The whole angst thing is cool, but if thats all you've got, its just boring. Everything I write, whether its happy or sad, has a sense of humor to it."
-Katy Perry