Invented Crises.

I'm gonna make an admission here: When I was in middle school, I was so desperate for folks to like me that I told a couple of folks that without their friendship, I'd have already killed myself. That was a total lie. I'm the kind of guy that would never dream of going that far. However, that lie got everybody feeling sorry for me...and I milked it for all it was worth. For about 2 years, I was guaranteed a seat in the "hip and cool folks" table because I conned a couple of them into believing that. However, I realised that doing so puts me at the mercy of others' pity and that meant I was subservient. 


When it hit me that those I considered "hip and cool" were really losers with no future in life, I decided to end contact with them and be real for once. That's why I always strive to be 100% ME and be as honest as I can be, at the risk of people hating me. I rather be hated for what I am, than tolerated for what I pretend to be. My advice is not to try and please people who've already decided not to like you for any reason. Nothing you do will change their minds. They're not worth your time and it will only lead to gigantic let-downs. 

Quick to friendship?

What bothers me tons is when people assign the word "friendship" to any kind of relationship in which the two parties involved have met each other in person less than 3 months before and have made mostly shallow interaction. That's not significant enough to assign the word "friendship". Most likely, you're a "glorified contact", nothing more. This is what I'd like to call the "cheapening" of friendship, where affection is given away wholesale without regard to depth and understanding.

Another big violation in my eyes is the constant focus on the word "love". It means what? I hate saying it, but it's thrown around much more than the pigskin in 5 NFL seasons. If you say you "love" someone in a context outside of jest, unless it's some dear family member or someone with whom you've grown together in a relationship of respect and meaning (be it a significant other or a real friend), it's frankly insulting to the intelligence.

I'm not anti-love or anti-friendship for that matter, I'm simply pro-sincerity.  

Surrounded by idiots?

I often wonder the point of being nice to people when all your best efforts yield no fruit. I try talking to people and being pleasant and all I get is more of the same. I have about 3 friends within a 20 mile radius. Impressive, eh? Considering that number is actually lower than about 6 months ago, I think I see what's going on.

Well, a good part of it is that folks are so dang close-minded, and frankly, fake here. So many folks I've thought would make great pals have turned around and shoved the dagger behind me. It aggravates me. I try finding redeeming values for the people here...and that's harder than finding Charlie Sheen at a Mensa meeting, or the next Dalai Lama amongst the Spice Girls. It's really stunning when I realise that I've spent almost a year here and no progress have been made. I've -never- been one to have hatred until lately. I've had a happy childhood with parents who love me, but I cannot tolerate being treated like utter trash time and time again. It drives me sick, and I'm so much better than that. Self-esteem is always something that really delivers. If I had less of it, I'd be hating myself right now, so I'm extremely lucky and blessed.

For my dear readers who have been loyal to me for the last 2 or so years, you are all amazing folks. My advice to all of you guys is to remember who you are and never compromise your self-respect and your beliefs at any cost. I compromised and it has led down the path of hopelessness. So, to end this, to all my friends and family, no matter where you live, you mean something to me. For everybody else, I have nothing for you.